The Nice Off

The current dissatisfaction I have for my job comes from two different areas; the smaller of which is occupied by the screeching voices and saucy behavior of elementary and middle school students. Some days I just get exhausted of dealing with children – and not just children but children who speak very little English and understand nothing that I say. This dissatisfaction is small and easily remedied by the voice of one lone cute boy or girl who says I am their favorite teacher; or an essay about how a student felt bad until they came to my class.

The second area, roughly the size of Europe, Asia, Australia, and 1/3 of Mars is occupied by the management of my school. It’s important to note that I have worked in Korea for 10 months, have never had any run-ins with management, have never gotten into trouble, and have generated pretty solid goodwill from the student population. The director of my school handled all my visa, passport and personal information, answers (or ignores) my emails, and has come to our school once a month to check things are in good order. 

He still fails to spell my name correctly. Normally I don’t care about things like that but my strongest correspondence with my boss is through email and I always sign my emails “Tedd.” (As is on my visa, passport, and other important documents.) Still, yesterday, after 10 months in the country, he sent a fax to our office with a note that reads: Ted, blah blah blah. A little obnoxious. I thought “Man, I’m one of four employees and this guy still can’t get my name right.”

I thought that was pretty bad…until today.

I actually have two bosses, one male, one female. The male can’t spell my name correctly. The female doesn’t even know my name. I’ve met her on three different occasions. I can totally understand her not knowing me, it’s fine. It is a little awkward, however, when we are sitting in the teacher’s lounge and she comes in to greet us.

Setting: A non-descript teacher’s office. Day.

Boss: “Hello, guys!”
Teachers: “Hey!”
Boss: “Michael, I need to talk to you!”
Michael: “Okay.”
Boss: “Haley, how are you?”
Haley: “Good, thanks!”

[Boss turns her eyes and settles them on Tedd.]

Boss: “Hey…”

[Boss turns to Haley.]

Boss: “Sorry, this is weird. I always think that guy is Chris. What’s his name?”

[Tedd looks at boss with a “Are you effing kidding me?” look.]

Haley: “That’s Tedd.”
Boss: “Yeah, Tedd! How’re you? Sorry.”
Tedd: “Good, thanks.”
Boss: “Great!”

[Boss turns to Haley and starts yammering about business. Tedd looks across the table with a huge shit eating grin trying to make Haley laugh. Haley does, but manages to make it look like part of the conversation.]

I laughed a lot when she left the room. I would be insulted, but the ratio of me caring about working is diminishing as the termination of contract gets closer. I mean, really? There are two secretaries at our school who she could have asked for my name. It’s pretty much common sense. Why not barge into a room and greet everyone only and then awkwardly ask everyone else what “that guy’s” name is? Great.

So Haley and I are laughing for a while and then the Boss comes back in and points at me. She wants to talk. As I walk by Michael, he whispers that he thinks she and the other boss want us to sign contract extensions to stay longer. I laugh because – why would I do something like that?

It’s important now to note that my boss is a REALLY attractive female. She was actually a model/beauty pageant contestant before she started this business. That being said, most of the time she gets what she wants just by smiling and being really nice to you. She has managed to manipulate a lot of people into teaching extra classes or staying longer just through her powers of feminine persuasion. One of the teachers who left was a female who was immune to this power, so our boss would be like: “Can you work 12 extra hours this weekend?” Most people (men and women) would cave under the radiance of her smile, but this girl was just like “No. I’m busy.” Her one resource of persuasion exhausted, our boss turned to the only other method she had – she got caddy and wouldn’t talk to the other teacher. I knew all this going in, so I was thrilled that she had already insulted me and put my guard up.

I was prepared to do battle. I’m no model/beauty contestant, but I have some charm and a cute little boy factor that make me a formidable opponent in any realm of superficial social exchanges.

Let the Nice Off begin.

I walk into the office and plop down on the seat across from my boss. She’s already got her pearly whites shining and is putting out the hook. I smile back, as hugely and rakishly as I can. 

“Tedd, we need to talk about your visa. We’re just going to have to extend you if you want to travel in Korea.” [read: We didn’t get our lazy butts going fast enough to find you a replacement, so we desperately need you to stay.]

“Yeah, well, I actually have to get a visa extension because my visa lasts until September 15th.”

“Oh! Great!” Glittering smile. “So how much longer do you think you want to extend?”

“Well,” I chortle, “I’m planning on leaving September 15th when my contract expires.”

“Oh! Well…” Pouty sad beauty face, “That puts us in a tough position! It’s hard to replace teachers in the middle of the semester!” 

I hear the mock audience say “AWWWWWW” as she punctuates “semester” with a cute flourish.

“Actually,” I turn up my eyes in a puppy dog way, “the teachers think that’s the best way to do it. That way, a new teacher is settled before the next vacation starts. They have time to make plans to use it and it’s not wasted.”

The mock audience says BOOOO as I end “wasted” with a triumphant, “I don’t care about it” smile.

“Oh.”

Pregnant pause.

“Well…it puts us in a tough position. When do you want to go home?”

“If you can just extend until September 30th, that’d be great.”

“So you’ll teach until – “

There is another loud BOOO as I interrupt her.

“September 15th. I’m done September 15th.”

“So if you extend until the 30th you could – ”

“I’ll be gone by the 20th, don’t even worry!”

I laugh at the end just punctuate the fact that I’m not being a dick. I’m just being a dick.

“Well,” behind her a white flag rises, “do you have any friends that would be interested…”

And….scene.

I had no intention of staying anyway, but if you’re going to ask me to stay:
a) remember my name 
b) throw some money at me – a hott girl is nice, but she won’t by me a used car when I get home

We’ll see how it turns out, but don’t worry friends. I won’t be in Korea past September 15th. I don’t care who smiles at me.

Or who forgets my name.