Essay

Tedd Hawks
5th period
Life Studies
Professor Jesus

What I Learned From Korea

    Did you know that millions of people suffer every day?  Some have diseases, some indigestion, some suffer under ideological oppression, while others are thrown to the ruthless forces of Asian kindergarten classes.  In my experience in Korea, I found that kindergarten may be one of the greatest challenges to face tall, blonde, foreigners who like Kelly Clarkson.  Through my time in Korea I learned that suffering at the hands of small children can be an ultimately rewarding experience – that such a scourge on an individual only helps him or her put their life in perspective, to focus on important issues like how much the support of their friends means as well as how comparatively their previous employment at Turkish restaurants killing cockroaches isn’t that bad.  Ultimately I learned the axiomatic principle that, by nature, all children are evil.

    When I came to Korea, I joyously threw off the shackles of my Turkish food gig thinking that I would fly to a foreign country, make some quick cash and have fun with children.  I did make money, but even after spending three summers detassling corn in 100 degree Illinois humidity, slaughtering cockroaches in a upper-class casual Turkish restaurant, and working for a catering business run by the devil’s great-aunt Bernice who claimed I had to help save her soul, I believe it was the hardest earned cash of my life.  Physical abuse was one part of the experience – shots to the nuts, fistings, and biting.  There was also the emotional toll it had on my ego in the complete failure of my work as a teacher.  For example, my last day of teaching when I turned to change the CD for my kindergarten class and spun back around to see all of the students mercilessly shredding their textbooks and beginning to throw wads of paper at each other.  While this activity would have been constructive had the textbook goal been to make confetti for Tedd’s going away party, it did little to further our goal of learning the word “Jacket.”  Overall the experiences showed that sometimes you fail miserably, and as you do you are beaten by small fists and called “Belly Teacher.”  But overall this misery only showed me that most of the stuff I complained about before is really nothing to worry about – at least with those other jobs I never pondered wearing an athletic supporter to work.
 
    I also learned that after being beaten by small fists is only made tolerable by the support of awesome people who want to go out and celebrate the fact that you all survived another week.  This past weekend my friends and I enjoyed a weekend of spirits and dancing at local Korean foreign establishments.  In accordance to my devout belief in the philosophical principles of Lady Gagaism (See her philosophical tract entitled “Just Dance”) we went out clubbing Friday night.  Arrival at the club showed that no one was really willing to dance, their energies instead wasted on getting wasted.  My friends and I, however, felt the need to tap our toes and started the Dance, Dance, Revolution.  Eventually everyone started to dance; the success event encapsulated in an encounter I had the next Sunday at Church when someone stopped me and said, “Hey Tedd!  I saw you dancing at MJ Friday!”  She then turned to her friend and whispered – “It’s that guy…”  To which her friend looked at me perplexedly and said, “Oh…you’re that guy.”  Yes, I am.  My Korean friend also felt the need to begin my countdown to go home with the founding of “Jusayo Days!”, a two week period where there would be much merriment.  (Jusayo in Korea means, “Give me please.”  My friends and I have taken to using it for everything – a cheers call, a victory chant, or a random outburst in the middle of a sentence).  Dancing was Jusayo Day 1.  Jusayo Day 2 continued with a viewing of Wolverine, a hockey game, and a Korean house party where I ate hundreds of these fruit that I had never tasted before.  Without the aid of such experiences as these, returning to work on Monday to the fury of Kindergarten would be rough.  Thanks guys!

    The final thing I learned form Korea was that all children are evil.  There is an old Korean legend called Hoochibooku and the Pebble of the Evil Dragon Wizard, which explains why Korean children like to beat up people and take away their dignity.  I don’t know most of the story, it involves Hoochibooku stealing the Pebble and then the Dragon Wizard cursing his offspring to make him miserable…or something.  Like all myths (and Indie films) it follows kind of the same pattern, although in this story at the end there is no happy ending.  Hence, children are evil.

[None of the above paragraph may be true.]

    In conclusion, Korea is fun and I’m glad I’m done teaching.  Going back to the Turkish restaurant won’t be that bad, and I have awesome friends here and at home to take my mind of things that suck.  And in the end, if things REALLY suck, I can take a deep breath, and blame all my problems on the children.  Because they are evil.

Addendum:

What’s That Smell…?  Oh…it’s me.

So after I had been working in Korea for a couple weeks or big boss came in and gave us all presents – a bar of soap.  It was a nice gesture and I thought nothing of it because we all got the same thing.  The next week a student came into my class with a little gift bag.  He handed it over to me and I accepted it happily.  When I got into the teacher’s room I opened the wrapping paper and it was…a bottle of face soap.  

“Oh,” I thought, “funny I got two soap gifts at school, haha!”

The next day was my last day of work and my director came into the break room.  She handed me a little egg crate thing.  I opened it and saw two little white eggs.  Looking at her questioningly, she smiled at me.  “It’s soap,” she said.  “I thought you could use it.”  

Uhh…so…what are you trying to tell me?  Evidently I have been stinking things up at my job – enough to warrant three separate gifts of soap.  Actually, I don’t know if I really smelled, but my first day of work I was really nervous and things went so badly that I was sweating up a storm.  It’s my hope that everyone just thought I sweated a lot and therefore needed more soap than other human beings…?  I don’t know, but I hope Korean soap is good…cause I have like three pounds of it.