Overview:
Hey guys, this is going to be wicked long, so I’m dividing it up to make it more perusal friendly. Yeah, so China was really awesome. There was so much to see and to do we were kind of overwhelmed. We ended up spending about 5 days in Beijing and 3 in Xi’an. In Beijing we got to see The Forbidden City, The Temple of Heaven, The Summer Palace, Behei Park, an Acrobat Show, Tiananmen Square and some other smaller temples and stuff.
After spending a week in China, it made me realize how lame Korea is – at least culturally. The biggest palace in Korea would fit entirely in the main courtyard of the Forbidden city in China. [The Forbidden City was like the Chinese royal palace – it literally was a city. Lucci and explored it for 4 hours and were just too tired to keep going.] I was thinking about spending my July vacation cruising around Korea, but after China, I realized just how much more and exciting stuff is out there. Korea is a great place to live and has a lot of cool stuff, but since this will probably be my last chance to explore Asia, I think I’m going to have to check out some more cool stuff.
One of the great things about China is how cheap it is. You could get full meals for 2.50-3.00 bucks. A 20 ounce Coke was about 80 cents, our full day tour to the Great Wall was only 45 bucks, including everything.
The biggest detractor from the trip was the pollution. I had heard stories about China but had just assumed it was from my tree hugging friends who saw a little bit of smog and started calling Al Gore. After being there though…it’s pretty incredible. We were there for almost 9 days and saw the sun only about 2 of those. The rest of the time it was concealed under a thick smog blanket. Our friend Ray told us that there’s a pretty predictable pattern – a rain system moves through and the pressure kind of cleans out the air. The day after a rain the sky is clear and its pretty blue skies. After that one sunny day, the smog just continues to pile up until another storm. We were back in Beijing after a week of no rain and it was miserable. You could literally see no more than a block down the street before things disappeared. We went to the Olympic Stadium that day and were standing across the highway from it (about 400 meter away) and could barely see it. Craziness.
I guess that’s the overview. I’ll start dividing up so it’s easier to read.
Episode 1: The French
We got to China and were immediately struck with, not the beauty, not the pollution, not the charm of the Chinese people, or the size of the Forbidden City, but with the sheer numbers of French people. In line at customs we were behind them, waiting for a taxi we were looking at their derrieres, and then at the Temple of Heaven we got to the front gate and were met with the waving of the red, white, and blue, not the Star Spangled Banner, but rather the French Banner of Pretense or whatever they call it.
At our hostel there was a French tour group, on our train we were behind a French family from Singapore, on our Great Wall tour there was French couple. I had thought about asking one of these people, but being frightened they would strike me with a hard baguette, I refrained. Lucci projected that the strength of the Euro is causing more Europeans to make the trip to Asian, but I didn’t understand why the French were the only ones migrating over – weren’t they ones who started the torch protests? Maybe they were going to stage a huge revolution before the games. Who knows, but I still have no idea why there were so many.
If you have information email me at teddfrechquestion@baguette.net
Episode 2: “Come to my art show!”
Our first day in China at the Temple of Heaven, Lucci and I were crossing the huge bridge from the main temple into the main gardens. Halfway across this young, Chinese babe came running over to us and asked us if we like art. Wanting to seem worldly and cultured, we said we did have a certain affinity for artistic endeavors, and then chortled over our good taste. The lady said that we should come see her art show. She shuffles off the bridge, through a grotto and into this little shack at the side of the park. The room was full of really nice artwork and the girl was explaining what everything was.
“This is dragon picture, yes. Picture of dragon, yes, yes! Yes, dragon! It symbolize strength, yes! And honor, yes! Yes! You like!”
“It’s pretty.”
“Yes! Dragon, yes! Pretty, yes!”
She loved offering the affirmative as I had never heard so many Yes’s in my life. We went around the whole room and saw some stuff. She even took time to point out ‘her paintings’ (sarcastic quotes to be explained later). She explained what they symbolized and then took us into another room full of paintings.
At this point I was bored out of my mind (I lied about appreciating art. I just don’t get it. The dragon was kind of cool though…) So I break of from Lucci and the girl and go sit out in the park to read the guide book. Lucci comes out about ten minutes later saying he has the girls card and the prices weren’t too bad.
We finished walking around the temple and then headed back to get a cab and go to Tiananmen.
In Tiananmen another blossoming art student offered to show us his artwork.
And then on our way to the hotel.
On our way to the Forbidden City in the morning.
In the Forbidden City.
At the Summer Palace the next day.
Okay, so evidently one of the biggest scams in China is people waiting around touristy locations and asking people to come look at their student artwork. Everything in them is copied artwork that they sell for like triple the price it should be. So when our little hoochie guide explained her artwork she was totally lying to us. Whatever.
At our second hostel they had a warning in our welcome book telling us to watch out for these art bandits. We were just lucky that neither of us bought anything at that first booth.
Moral of the story: Having no appreciation or taste in art saves you money.
Episode 3: The Train and the Bathroom of Doom
Our plan on arriving to China was to get tickets on a Monday train so we could meet our friend Ray and his sister in Xi’an on Tuesday morning. It sadly didn’t turn out as such, so we ended up in the Super Deluxe Happy Fun Train Suite just to get to Xi’an on Tuesday morning to meet up with Ray (price 100 American Bucks, or for my European friends, roughly 4 Euros).
The train stations in China are absolutely crazy – packed with people. People sitting on benches, on the floor, on suitcases, on top of people on top of suitcases. When the line started moving for our train, we were literally almost trampled to death just trying to get up from sitting on the floor. (Who were the first tramplers? A family of Frenchpersons who live in Singapore – no joke). Before we could be almost trampled, however, I had to go to the bathroom.
The bathroom at this train station really defies anything that I can put into written form. It really defies any kind of kind of artistic embodiment – in order to really experience it you need all your senses. You need to see the haze of cigarette smoke that was flowing out of the bathroom and into the main station, the sight of Chinese men pulling up their pants as they finished the urinal, the visual ecstasy of urinals surrounded by cigarettes and fluids that I didn’t want to imagine where they came from, as well as the absence of seeing toilets you could sit on, or any paper to wipe anything with (I don’t know how you exit the third world without the aid of toilet paper); you’d find your sense of hearing invaluable to hear the sound every body function imaginable: spitting, bowel movements, coughing, sniffing, blowing noses, flatulence in any key you can imagine, the splash of urine hitting the floor, urinal and squat toilets, etc.; you’d need the sense of touch – or rather the apprehensiveness of using it, trying to use your elbows to flush the toilets, feeling the fear of using your hands to touch the faucet to clean yourself – the one thing you wouldn’t need to feel is the liquid, greasy feel of soap – there wasn’t any; the sense of taste was really only to taste the thick cloud of cigarette smoke that enveloped the whole room; and, of course, lastly smell. I’ll let you use your imaginations for that one.
Staggering out of the bathroom the sweet, polluted air of Beijing was like fresh air from the Rocky Mountains. I had never felt so dirty in my entire life.
The bathrooms in the Super Deluxe Happy Fun Suite were considerably better – the price included a private one for Lucci and I, as well as bunk beds, a table with a fake flower on it, and a magazine about trains written in Chinese. We had spent the entire day hiking around Beijing – around the summer palace and then around our hostel looking at some souvenir stuff. I was ready to collapse, so I opened my book, read a couple pages and then gently drifted off to sleep. I was probably asleep for ten minutes before I was awakened by the train getting up to warp speed. I’m not kidding when I say that the whole bunk bed structure was shaking back and forth the entire night. My buddy rebelled against the comfort of the bed by jerking me awake when I was even close to falling asleep. It seemed to be saying “Are you sure you want to shut me down riding on this death trap?” We rocketed to Xi’an and about 5 am I just gave up and climbed down from the bunk and watched China countryside pass by (no smog!). It was actually cool to see – the farmers were already out on the rice terraces, getting ready for the days work. Small farm towns struck me as wild after seeing the urban jungle of Beijing. It was nice to know that large parts of China were safe from the smog of the big city.
Episode 4: The Great Ray Schleck, Ladies and Gentlemen
After a little struggle we made our way to the hostel to meet our friend, Ray, and his sister, Megan. The hostel the discovered was absolutely amazing. It was actually converted from an old spa, so it had huge showers, a hot tub, as well as an interior that resembled something from a ritzy Indian restaurant – scarlet drapes, sexy dim lighting, mirrors everywhere, and huge windows that overlooked the smoggy city. The food was amazing – full Western breakfasts, cheeseburgers, chicken sandwiches, steak – all for under 5 bucks. I was very happy. The place had evidently been closed for almost 2 years before this young American guy found it and transformed it into a hostel. It was evidently a really big spa for the rich in the city until they started some scam with gold wires. They told patrons that they would install gold wires under your face for like 50, 000 bucks (or 10 Euros). They said everyone in the West was doing it, so they made a bunch of money before people found out it was a scam and closed the place down.
It was really great to see Ray. I hadn’t seen anyone from my previous, pre-Korea life for almost 9 months (besides Lucci, but he doesn’t count) so it was really nice to have some connection to history and shared experience. He had been teaching in a Chinese city called…Hangzhou…? Maybe, I don’t know it sounds really Chinese though. He has been teaching kids as well as adults. He said he enjoyed the experience, but was ready to go home. We met up and then headed to the city walls – the only ones still standing in China. They were absolutely huge and covered about 5 or 6 miles around the city. We went about halfway around before we climbed down and then went to the markets.
I have to say that Ray is the greatest barterer I have ever met. He could almost get the sellers to give you money at the stalls. At one particular vendor Lucci and I had said we wanted postcards. Ray wanted some too, so he immediately launched into one of the greatest performances I’ve ever seen. The starting price was about 30 RMB for one set of postcards (that’s like 4 bucks, .0000009 Euros). He started schmoozing with the lady and said his price was like 5 RMB. The lady guffawed and then said she’d give them for 25 RMB. Ray picks up a second packet of cards and writes down 10 RMB on a sheet of paper. The lady again laughs and shakes her head. She writes down 30. Ray picks up a third packet and then writes down 15. The lady shakes here head and is laughing. Ray tells her “Friend Price!” in Chinese. She thinks this is the greatest thing she’s ever heard. She writes down 45 on her paper. Schleck shakes his head and then jabs her lightly with his shoulder, winks and nods, laughs with her and then writes down 20. The lady lets out a loud groan and says “No.”
By this time it’s important to note that a small crowd had gathered around the booth. A Chinese guy was like leaning on Ray and laughing hysterically, a group of more Chinese people were behind us laughing. Ray puts on a serious price and says “Friend” again and then writes down 23. The lady seems to be debating, but trying to get Ray’s sympathy. She is wringing her hands and letting out little groans. Ray shrugs his shoulders and then starts to walk away.
It’s over. The lady nods and says 23. Ray pays and the lady hugs, Ray. The Chinese people are roaring and the crowd is really pleased. So, in the end he got 3 packs of postcards for roughly 3 bucks (Euros uncountable).
It was pretty much the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.
Episode 5: The Warriors
That evening we had some dumplings and then went to bed because we had to get up for our tour to the Terracotta Warriors.
The tour was actually pretty good.
Our first stop was small village called “Banqo” which evidently is a feminists dream colony. Our guide, a small, Asian man named Bruce, told us that in the colony the women were in charge. They did all the hunting and farming, and when they needed water or bananas peeled they told men to do it. Reproduction occurred in the colony when one woman just picked out a guy and they did the deed. There were no marriages or soulmates – just fun nights which might or might not result in a kid. The story about the colony was by far the highlight. The actual tourist stuff was a big hole with some pots in it and then a diorama of how they made the pots that were thrown into the hole. One particularly nice highlight was a giant model of the village which looked like something I’d made in 3rd grade science class. (Pictures on Facebook).
After the Woman settlement we went to a factory where they make replica Terracotta warriors, available to purchase for ridiculous amounts of money.
Then it was lunch and then the warriors.
The warriors were actually really amazing. Evidently the emperor who had commissioned the Great Wall to be joined together throughout China was also responsible for this really odd sight. Buried under the ground are 6000 clay figures made to resemble Chinese warriors. The emperor was actually so worried that in the afterlife he would be attacked by all the people he’d killed in life, that he wanted an army to protect him when he died. Huge rows of soldiers span the first huge excavation site – soldiers, horses, carriages, archers, foot soldiers and generals fill the pits. There were two sites that were not completely excavated because they want to preserve them better. When they dug up the first set of soldiers they were actually all painted, but when they were left in the open air, the pain oxidized and disappeared. They are working on a technology so that when they uncover the rest of them they will be able to have the paint kept intact. The old farmer who discovered the site actually was in the souvenir shop (wearing giant sunglasses and fanning himself) – if you paid him 20 RMB he’d let you take a picture of him. Sounds like a pretty sweet life to me.
Episode 6: A Lesson from the Dutch
After the tour we headed back to the hostel and hung out – playing one of the longest games of Uno I have ever experienced. While we were playing we actually had a couple girls from our tour group join us – Adatha, an American teaching in China, and Lizbet, a Dutch student on break and doing some traveling.
I’ve always wanted to have one of those hostel nights when you go out with a bunch of Europeans from the hostel and have a good time. This night was probably the closest I’ll ever get. We started the night by going out and getting some Chinese Wine to use to play Kings. It was far and away the nastiest liquor I have ever had. I had to drink whole glasses of Coke after a shot to wash it down. There’s an amazing picture of Lucci on my Facebook that visually shows what it tastes like.
After about 1 shot we threw the bottle away and went and got some beer from the bar. Megan had brought cards, so we started to play Kings/Circle of Death with a big group from our tour. Never play Kings with the Dutch. I mean, they are awesome, but when it comes to Never Have I Ever you just can’t compete. They’ve done everything.
We played Kings for awhile and then went into the main bar and hung out with a bunch of the other foreigners (mostly Europeans who have done everything too). They were all really drunk, so it was more entertaining to just sit back and watch them play the game. After about an hour of the game, the group decided to start moving to a club down the street. Ray and Megan had already gone to bed to get up for their 8 am flight, and Lucci was in the computer room looking up Ron Paul videos, so Adatha, Lizbet and me all went out together.
Chinese clubs were actually a pretty big let down – mostly because they were empty and everyone we were with was too drunk to stand up. If you have never seen me at club, then you don’t know that I like to break it down. Adatha was kind of the same way, so we started busting a move in the bar. I was doing the typical Tedd moves, which really defy explanation, and Adatha was rocking out. At this point Lizbet leans over to me and says:
“You dance very strange.”
I was like, “Really?”
“In Europe people dance differently.”
“How so,” I asked, always wanting to appear refined by European standards.
Lizbet paused for a second and the proceeded, “In Europe,” she said slowly, “they…they know how to dance.”
I laughed hysterically. I would have been offended, but I enjoy my crazy dancing so it didn’t really cause me much emotional turmoil. We actually quickly decided to try another club down the street.
Wah waaah. If we thought the first club was dead, this one was rotting. There were about 3 people there. We literally did a lap around the place and then headed back to the first place where we started dancing a little bit. By this time we were all pretty disappointed and tired, so the party didn’t last much longer. We headed back to the hostel and discovered that the elevators shut down at midnight. We hiked up the 9 flights of the stairs, with Lizbet commenting on how the fat Americans were breathing heavy, a very true statement.
I just want to say that Lizbet was actually really nice – she didn’t mean to be mean when she made fun of my dance moves. I fully intend to head to Europe though and take some notes, or maybe teach some lessons of my own.
Episode 6: I Attempt a Schleck
This entry is so long. I can’t believe if anyone is reading all of this.
All right, so our last afternoon in Xi’an we didn’t have a whole lot to do, so Lucci stayed in to look at more Ron Paul videos while I took to the streets and tried to find some souvenirs for some of my family.
I fully intended to buy stuff for other people when I was grabbed by a young Chinese woman and taken into a garment shop. Inspired by Schleck, I was ready to deal and see what kind of bargain I could get. The shop was full of pretty nice shirts. They were all fake Ralph Lauren and Diesel shirts that looked pretty nice. After she pulled me in, the lady was flitting around asking me what I liked. I picked out two pretty nice shirts – a polo and a t-shirt and said that I was interested. She immediately settled in and started to go to work. She typed a number into a calculator and then showed it to me.
500. That’s roughly 70 bucks (4 Euros).
I shook my head and told her I’d pay 15.
She laughed in my face and then started to give me the schtick.
“Please, sir! Good quality! I can’t for so cheap!” She started tapping at her calculator and held up 450.
I whistled and then said, “50.”
She clutched her heart. “Oh, sir! No, you kill me! You kill me!”
I laugh and then she leans over and lifts her hand like an inch from the ground. “Your price is like here!” She wailed.
I put my hand up to the ceiling and said, “Your price is here!”
She laughed and shook her head. “You kill me!” She started typing at her calculator again and then showed me 280. “8 is very lucky number!” She said quickly.
I laughed and then typed on her calculator. I typed in 80 times 2 and showed her. “See 8 is lucky! This is good!”
She clutched her heart again and then shook her head. “You kill me twice,” she said wailing. “You kill me now, then my boss comes in and kills me!”
I shook my head and held up my hands. “Poor student,” I said with a puppy dog face. “I don’t have any money.”
She shook her head, but behind her I could see an old woman pulling out a bag. “I can’t go so low, sir.” She said. “Good quality!” She made me touch the shirt again, but I shook my head.
“I’m very poor,” I said. I turned around at that point to leave, but she grabbed me and was like, “Yeah, okay, you buy.” She patted me on the back as the old woman put the shirts in the bag. “You a hard bargain,” she said smiling. “Where you from? Sweden?”
I laughed. “America.”
“America!” She clutched her chest again. “You so Sweden-looking!”
I laughed and then left the store.
I’m pretty sure I overpaid by about 100 RMB, but what’re you going to do? It was worth it just to hear her say, “You kill me twice!”
Episode 7: A Smoggy Day
That evening we returned by night train to Beijing. We settled into our new hostel and then started out to see The Olympic Park. This was the day when the whole city was covered in smog – everywhere you looked was grey. Straight ahead you could barely see 2 blocks in front of you before the whole world vanished into a ghostly mist. At the Olympic Park we just kind of blindly walked along all the spots that had yet to be completed. We stopped across the street from the Bird’s Nest and marveled at the fact that you couldn’t see the Bird’s Nest from more than 400 meters away. All we saw was the outline of the huge stadium. The intricate cross beams were almost completely obscured by the thick smog. Needless to say it was a big disappointment, so we headed to the Beijing Zoo to check out the pandas.
The Zoo was actually really solid. In China they aren’t too concerned about the animals, so the signs that read “Don’t feed the animals” are really there just as decorations. At the zebra pen people were holding all kinds of food out and little zebras were coming up close enough to pet. They had two stations where you could actually legitimately feed the giraffes and elephants. It was pretty wild to have an elephant grab some grasses out of your hand and shove it into his face. The pandas were pretty cool too. A couple of them were sleeping, but several of them were up and walking around their pens. We got some really good pictures of them jumping around and checking things out.
Even more interesting than looking in at the animals, was looking at all the other people looking at the animals. SO MANY people were all over the place that you could barely breathe inside the monkey and bird houses. Towards the end Lucci and I just skipped anything indoors because everything was so crowded. People were everywhere – on the grass, looking in the pens, in lines for tickets, on the boats around the park, filling the sidewalks, in lines at concession stands – it was crazy. I felt like I saw each one of the 1.3 billion people in China at that zoo.
That night we went to a Chinese acrobat show. That was really amazing – 12 and 13 year old kids were doing these amazing things, on tightropes, flexibility feats, and all kinds of stuff. They had this group of kids who were tossing these girls almost 20 feet into the air and having them land on top of a tower of people. It was absolutely crazy. It was a lot like cirque du soleil if you have ever seen that. It’s hard to believe that people are capable of such amazing stuff.
Episode 8: The Wall
The next morning we woke up and headed to the Great Wall. I have to say that when I came to Asia the one thing that I thought I had to see was the Great Wall. For some reason that is one of the things in the world that I just couldn’t wait to see. Planning for the trip I was constantly asking when we could go the wall, how long we could spend there, plotting the best places to go, etc.
Of course, it would turn into a disaster. As soon as we got out of the cars to start the hike along the wall huge bolts of lightening ripped across the sky and thunder pounded our eardrums. It was just as we came out over the tree line and onto the wall that the storm broke and water started pouring in buckets. Within minutes we were soaked completely. The whole trip resulted in us running from watchtower (a total of 30 along the hike) and snapping pictures as best we could. By about 2/3rds along the path, the rain had stopped, but a biting wind had decided to gust up and blow steadily along the wall. By the time we were at tower 20 I was shaking and couldn’t feel my hands. No longer did I care about being on one of the Wonders of the World, I just wanted to get somewhere warm and get some food. At one specific point, the tower was separated from the main wall so you had to drop from the window of the tower onto this thin rock ledge in order to move one. If you missed the wall you fell onto this steep muddy bank and would end up about 30 meters down this hill. We got to this part of the trail and were met with (who else?) the French. As Lucci and I peered over the edge this one Frenchman, leaned over our shoulders and said very happily, “Be careful! It’s slippy!” We managed to get out of the window and onto the wall – just in time to see a group of old men and woman walking AROUND the tower. Wah waaah. Well, you’ll have that I guess.
It’s also of note that we had the worst tour guide in history on this hike. She barely spoke English (although in the pamphlet for the tour it specifically said “Seasoned English Speaking tour guide!!!) At the beginning of the trip she just kind of mumbled for us to meet at tower 30. We started along the wall and by the time we got to the end we had no idea where to go. We farted around aimlessly waiting for our group, but no one came, so we guessed the way to go and luckily succeeded. There was a way to zipline off the wall and into the city we were meeting at, but my hands were so numb and I was so cranky I had no desire for anything fun. By the time we got to the restaurant I was convulsing and had not a dry speck on my body. Luckily lunch was good and we found the rest of the tour group. Lunch was deliciously warm and the 4 hour ride back to Beijing was spent in a blissfully warm sleep.
Episode 9: The End
The last day of the trip we hung out with one of the girls from the hostel. We went to a couple parks and then to Tiananmen where we were turned away from Mao’s tomb (hours: 8 am – Noon…WTF?) We ended up spending a bulk of the day in a bookstore where Lucci bought no less than 12 books. For some reason in China you can buy ridiculously cheap editions of classic, so Lucci was carrying tomes of Plutarch, Thucydes, and numerous other famous Greeks and Romans. By the time it was time to go, I was pretty ready to go. I was smogged, Commied, and China’d out.
It, of course, wouldn’t be that easy.
Our taxi driver dropped us off at the wrong terminal, so we had to scramble to find the shuttle and make it to our plane on time. On arrival to Seoul, we expected to be able to find a hotel were told that there was no hotel, motel, minbak, floor, or pillow available in a 30 mile radius. The staff was really accommodating in telling us that not only was there no place to sleep in town, but there was no place to sleep in the airport – the sleeping room was under construction. And when I say under construction, I mean it. They were jackhammering, pounding and sawing ALL NIGHT long. It was nice too because the exit terminal is a huge two story barn that really echoes and reverberates sound, so for each pound we heard 5, and the sound of the table saw was blasted all night in stereo sound. Luckily about 2 am we found we could go up to the checking in concourse and sleep on the benches there. The sleep that night was almost as good as in the Super Deluxe Happy Fun Suite train to Xi’an. Add to that the dread of returning to work and to Korea in general, and it meant very sweet dreams indeed.
But now I’m back and enjoying my Thursday off. It’s been a good week. Only 4 months left in Asia then it’s back to America and being able to order fast food in English!
If anyone read all of this, I’m very impressed. I’ll buy you a cookie the next time I see you.
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