Oh man… Where to begin?
So I’m back in the loving arms of the Nana. (“Jigga-What?” Says Tedd’s only reader.) And that person would be Jigga-Right. It was totally a 180 move, but happens with guys who can’t make up their mind on anything.
It all happened last week when I sat down with my boss at my third job (Writer on the Web Sitcom). Basically I told him that I’m ready to launch into pre-production on our projects and he agreed…wait! HE AGREED!! This means Tedd basically comes on a full-fledged part-time guy and gets to work on polishing scripts, recruiting and producing the webisodes. Oh, Snap! = Really Awesomeness for Tedd
But this also meant that I needed a more flexible schedule and was free to jettison either the Nana or the recruiting job. In all honesty it wasn’t that big of a decision. My recruiting job is MISERABLE (Apologies for excessive cap usage this entry.) Basically I call people all day – now with the added responsibility of screening resumes (read: looking at a computer screen scrutinizingly for 4 hours a day…) The people at the job were cool, but I was using 0 parts brain and 0 parts body for the position. Literally a monkey could do what I do (albeit a charming and blonde haired one [Apologies for the excessive parentheticals this entry.]) But at least at Nana I walk around and the shifts go really fast, especially on the registers.
So early last week I was working at the recruiting job and then sprinting across town to go to Nana and ask for my job back. I had to do this twice as the manager was in a meeting over the lunch hour… Ugh… = a big headache for Tedd
Tuesday morning I talk to my boss at the recruiting job and say, “Hey, it’s been fun but (OVER IT)!” She was really cool and said we could be Facebook friends and that was the end of it. I also said that I would help train my replacement and stay on as long as necessary to complete that task, the hardest part of that process being, of course, the task of finding the monkey who is charming. Training would then last about 23.5345589 seconds.
Wednesday morning I come into work and announce I’m leaving to the rest of my crew at the recruiting place. Everyone was kind of sad…okay, no one was really sad, but they wished me well on what they mockingly call “my webisodes.” After lunch my big boss comes over to me and gives me a big hug and is like “Tedd! Good luck! We would love for you to stay on until next Wednesday if that’s possible.” And I was like “Yup! Possible.” So I go sit at my desk and proceed to call and screen and be charming.
About an hour later my supervisor who I had quit to called me into her office. I sit down and she looks really upset. So I’m like… “Uhhh…what’s up?” She then basically tells me that I’m fired.
“Jigga-What?”
Thank you, Reader.
Yup, she announces to me that the decision was just made for the whole department I work in to be liquidated. I am in utter shock at this point. Like utter shock. My reaction to utter shock is to laugh a lot. So I’m giggling like crazy and saying, “Really? Like I’m fired? I just quit yesterday…” Giggling stopped when she told me that all my friends were going to be fired too.
My boss was really upset about this, there was absolutely nothing funny about this situation.
Well, there was… It was the boss’s birthday who decided to fire us, so as I’m being told I can’t come in the next day they are singing happy birthday in the main office. A nice juxtaposition.
So after I’m fired my supervisor just looks at me and is super upset. I asked her if she was getting to stay, and she was being kept on. She then proceeded to ask me for feedback on the position.
Fired = filter removed.
I was like, “This job is awful. Like the worst job I’ve ever had. I hate this job.” I then proceeded to tell her that the best part about the whole thing was that they moved all of the people in my department together so we could actually talk to people while we were at work. The whole process concluded with my supervisor telling me she was sorry again and then us going out to the birthday party.
My face upon leaving the office was described as “Super red.” So all the people in my department are looking at me (I was first to go) and then across the room my big boss who told me that I could stay until Wednesday sees me and points at me.
“You did not have that conversation!” She says in terror.
“Uhh…yeah, I did.” Says my supervisor.
While this is happening I’m just sidling over to my coat and getting ready to go. My one friend looked at me in shock and is like, “What is going on??” And I was all like, “I have no friggin’ clue.”
My big boss points to me at this point and goes, “Tedd! Forget everything you heard! Wednesday!”
My coat is zipped now and I just kind of salute the rest of my people in my department and then walk over to my big boss.
“See you…tomorrow?” I asked super cautiously.
“Yes,” she says.
…so within 24 hours I quit, was fired and then rehired at the recruiting job.
And now for the punchline.
The next day the big-big boss who had a birthday and fired everyone calls the three of us that were left in the wreckage for a meeting in her office.
“I know you guys probably thought what happened yesterday was spur of the moment,” she says. We all nod in agreement. “Well,” she continues, “don’t worry it’s been planned for a long time.”
I literally laughed out loud. Really? A LONG time? And no one every saw any necessity in letting the department know so they could look for new jobs? At this point she smiles and then looks at me and is like:
“Tedd, I hear you’re leaving us?”
“Yes.”
“Well, thanks for your work here! You’re always welcome back. What are you going to be doing?”
I then started to tell her about my job with the webisodes and, I can honestly say, I have never seen someone so uninterested in the communication of another person. Her eyes immediately glazed over and moved over to the periphery of the room as if her entire brain had gone into ‘hibernate’ mode. Midway through the explanation I just stopped (this will become a trope in our convos) and added “…and stuff.” Then she’s like “Great!” And the meeting proceeded.
After this meeting all of us who were left were just wondering out shell-shocked.
Needless to say, it’s been hard to be motivated to work for a company that…treats their employees so nicely. I’ve been working, but I’ve also been acting more like myself (read: awkward goof) and doing stupid stuff. The first event had me going around the office at lunch before I left for McDonald’s and pointing to groups of people saying, “Nugget Time! Who wants Nuggets! He wants Nuggets! She wants Nuggets! Do YOU want nuggets!”
I’ve recently fallen in love with chicken mcnuggets…oh man…glorious.
I also made a bet with the department that I schedule for that this one guy wouldn’t come in. I tried to schedule him like 5 times and then three months later he calls in and says he’s coming in. I asked one of my supervisors if I should pull him in and she was like, “Dare him to come in.” This led me to betting cookies that he wouldn’t.
He did.
So I baked cookies for my group that I schedule interviews for and brought them in today.
As I was handing them out big-big boss sees me and comes over and is like, “OMG! Tedd can I have one.” Really there’s no enmity with her, but I did think her explanation that she had known “a LONG time” that she would get rid of my department was very corporate and witchy. So I give her one and she got two that were stuck together. She laughs and is like, “Guess I’ll have to take two!” As she saying this one of the guys I work for looks at the giant pan of cookies and is like, “Tedd, what are you going to do with all of these?” Remember how my filter was removed when I was fired? Well…it never went back in. = Awkward for Tedd
So I immediately respond with: “Well, there won’t be any left when Stacy gets done with them!” Pointing to my big-big boss. I did realize, however, half-way through my sentence what an awful and stupid thing it was to say, so it came out more like:
“Well, there won’t be any left when…mumblefudghycube…” I just kind of trailed off and put my head in my chest so that no one could hear me.
So awkward…
School Daze Part II: Powerpoints is suck
I started classes this week and one of them is an introduction to journal publishing. Basically we are putting together a number of short stories and poems to publish in an online journal in June.
Highlights of this evening included a power point presentation on how the “story manager” works.
This is a very complicated thing that CANNOT be put in the hand of blonde, charming monkeys.
So the guy fires up the slide show and is like, “So you maybe asking yourselves how this works?”
Slide pops up with three heads on it.
“Well, you have a person who writes a story.”
Head 1 lights up.
“Then the person is like, ‘I want to submit my story.’ So they give it to someone to read.”
Arrow shoots from Head 1 to Head 2.
“Then the person who reads it thinks, ‘Hey! I want other people to read this story. That way…when they read it…we can decide whether to publish it!’”
Arrow shoots from Head 2 to Head 3.
“Then these people read the story. And say, ‘We like it. Or. They say we don’t like it.’”
Arrow shoots from Head 3 to Head 2.
“Then that person decides, ‘Hey! We should or shouldn’t publish this story. Then! They pass it to the author.’”
Arrow shoots from Head 2 to Head 1.
At this point fifteen minutes has gone by. I was looking around the room and thinking, “Really? Really? We are watching a slide show on this? And it’s taking this effing long.”
I was dying to be sitting next to one of my friends so I could give the “Really?” Eyes to them. Ugh… = Disappointed, Very Bored Tedd
“Jigga-What?”
Exactly, my friend. (EXACTLY).
Part III: I’m Silver, Bitches!
Yeah, I just celebrated my 25th bday, so I’m officially supposed to be an adult (symbolized by my ability to rent cars and pay less for insurance.) I was thinking about how to mark this important time in my life and decided the best thing is!...DRUMROLL…a list!
25 Reflections on Turning 25:
25. When I was 9 years old I picked a rival in grade school. He has since gone on to receive degrees from schools in the UK and the US, traveled extensively giving medical aid to poor, third world countries (is there any other kind?) and have Facebook pictures taken of him with cute, foreign children and with his hott girlfriend on a beach some place. He’s now attending medical school. Lesson Learned: All my rivals from now on will be hobos and drug dealers as my psyche can’t handle more abuse.
24. After my time in Chi getting my degree I moving some place rural or with mountains. Cities = suck.
23. My resolution for the years 25-35 is to be more fearless. After 35 it will be just not to get fat.
22. Palettes do change. I can no longer stand Count Chocula and Diet Coke is tasting better and better.
21. The saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans” is super-duper true.
20. After much disagreement, argument and many awkward teen years, I decided to call a truce with myself. We get along quite well now.
19. Writing is my drug of choice.
18. After four months in corporate America I can happily say I would rather get eaten by a ravenous mutant vegetable than spend another week in a cubicle.
17. Koreans are awesome.
16. If I have kids they will go to public school and be forced to read The Fountainhead at age 17.
15. I can’t watch CNN or network news anymore. It’s like watching an idiot convention live 24/7.
14. FOB is my fave band fo realizes.
13. I should really stop saying fo realizes.
12. I am SO. EFFING. GLAD. I didn’t go to law school.
11. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are a reason to live.
10. Friends are like Chicken McNuggets dipped in Awesome sauce. Fo realizes.
9. I could eat cheesy hot dogs and Chipotle burritos until I died.
8. Whoever invented crazy dancing is my hero/heroine.
7. I have lost all sense of what this list is supposed to be about.
6. My best friends are the people who make me laugh (with them, not at them…except for Kralik).
5. Despite wanting to quit every fifteen minutes joining ND Crew was the best decision I made in college (Deciding to be an English/Film major…not so much.)
4. The best birthday I ever had was my 22nd. Panic. At. The. Crew. House.
3. I love love love Las Vegas. I love Las Vegas. *Talking Phones*
2. I don’t ever want to grow up.
1. I can’t believe people might actually read all of these.
If you’re reading this…and my friend you’re awesome. Thanks for your help in years 1-25.
I think that’s it for now. TAKE CARE (FO REALZIES!)
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