I've been in Ireland for a few weeks for work. Rather than following the advice of every living, breathing human being and getting a hotel in the middle of Dublin, I got one in the middle of a suburb to be closer to work.
In general, this has been fine. I did eat at TGIFriday's twice. I also had the worst burger of my entire life, but work was pretty hectic, so there wasn't a ton of time during the week to do city stuff. It's also important to note that everything but bars and restaurants in Ireland shut down at like 8 PM, so unless you're grabbing a drink, there's not much to do.
Well, Friday came along and I had nothing going on. My coworkers had told me to meet them downtown, but my ride never showed up, so I just sat in the hotel lobby for 45 mins alone. Normally I'd be irked by this, but in this case if I hadn't been in the lobby, I'd have just been sitting in my room on Instagram, so it didn't make any difference to me.
After 45 mins I was like, "Huh... Looks like they're not coming; I should probably do something."
I really wanted TGIFriday's. Like a lot. To be honest, around minute 30 of someone not coming I actually was beginning to prefer the idea of going to TGIFriday's and eating alone.
When I was younger doing anything alone basically brought on a panic attack. I have a bit of a reality perception/anxiety problem, so I thought that if I was alone somewhere people would all turn to me at one time and whisper, "Oh my, what is that gentleman doing... alone?"
Essentially, Glenn Close in this final scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvQXbmtSmL0
As I've gotten older, though, I realized that I don't even like most people and sometimes dinner alone texting friends I do like is much preferred to eating with someone boring.
Ireland didn't want me to feel this way, though.
I get to TGIFriday's and walk in. A short extremely Irish girl meets me at the door. She smiles and then stops smiling and is like:
"Oh, jus'a table fer one, den?"
Now, remember she has an Irish accent, so it's basically like a pan flute asking you if you're going to die alone.
Essentially, what I assume to be Glenn Close playing a pan flute in this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHVjNyr9fGU
So I'm like, "Yes, please."
At this point, I still don't care. I'm probably going to eat a chocolate lava cake in 30 mins, so there is no need to pity me.
The girl sits me down in the very front of the restaurant, close enough to the door to get a nice draft when someone (with lots of friends to enjoy for dinner) walks into the restaurant.
Sitting next to me - literally, 12 inches to my right at almost a shared table is a happy Irish couple. Again, I don't care, but the female in this group was extremely concerned about me being there - and alone. "Oh, Tedd, she was probably checking you out." Says my girlfriend who always looks at the bright side - "No, Tracy, she was appalled." This girl was lip-curl disgusted that I was alone and sitting a foot from her and her boyfriend's big date. Every third word she would side eye look at me, afraid that my singleness was contagious.
"Yeah, so I went to da theater to - side eye - if my da was der with me br'other - side eye"
*Sigh* at this point it was starting to get on my nerves - read, I was becoming Glenn Close of Dangerous Liaisons. Luckily, the pan flute waitress was back and took my order, which included a Long Island Iced Tea.
Dinner went on with few more hitches. Side eye left, and I ordered fajitas and a second liquor drink to kill my emotions. At the end of the meal I looked around and realized that I had roughly 5 plates scattered around me - fajita plate, side plate, tortilla dish, empty drink dish, empty salad plate - and I thought, "Wow, this is slightly sad..."
The pan flute must of heard my thoughts because she was by my side in no time.
"Oh, all finished 'der?"
"Yes, thanks."
"Oh, ya liked the fajitas, looks like! Mos' people don' finish - they take half 'ome."
Wait - what? So now, I was alone, and basically called fat by an Irish girl for eating seven plates of food at TGIFriday's.
That's - fine... Not at all feeling like Glenn Close here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec4nMM9KSKA
At dinner I had also decided that I was going to see a movie. This movie happened to be "How To Be Single."
At the beginning of dinner this seemed like a fine idea. But now after being glared at for being alone and being called fat I was doubting the decision.
"How sad does it make me to see 'How To Be Single' alone...?"
But I still had some of my Bey "Single Lady" powers, so I went to the movie. I sat toward the front so I didn't have to see other people come in with friends - and I really enjoyed the movie.
I think, at least, that the movie did a pretty good job of showing positive singleness? I mean, I'll never watch it again, and I basically forgot every scene with Dakota Johnson in it. (Like, have no idea how someone saw a screen test and was like - this ordinary girl with no magnetism is what we want!) But Rebel Wilson was funny and the relationships were pretty believable-ish? (They could have used some more crazies - Hollywood can't even come close to portraying the zaniness of real online dating. People would think it was absurdist... when really when I was dating, I'd call it Tuesday.) Even though I'm not single anymore, it gave me a nice pause to think about my own time being single and how good/bad it could be.
Being Single isn't quite this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T1TKgXMMYs
But it's not this either:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY
It's more like a meal at TGIFriday's. You definitely enjoy it, it may cause some unwanted bowel activity, but in the end, all said and done, it's pretty good and leaves you satisfied for a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment